Nolite te

Mock The Week: Unlikely Greetings Cards

  1. Frankie Boyle: Congratulations, you're 18! On a list of 20 people I'm going to kill.
  2. Russell Howard: My heart goes out in sympathy, I know your life is torn. I can't believe your dear sweet mum, caught you watching all that porn.
  3. Frankie Boyle: Congratulations on conquering your drug and alcohol dependency. We're having a party to celebrate, but you can't come.
  4. Fred MacAulay: I know you're green, I've done my bit, this card is made of recycled shit.
  5. Andy Parsons: Get well soon! PS: I know it's terminal, but they didn't have a card for that.
  6. Hugh Dennis: Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm locked up in Broadmoor, and thinking of you.
  7. Frankie Boyle: Thinking of you at this difficult time, has given me an erection.
  8. Hugh Dennis: You're moving! We've repossessed your house.
  9. Frankie Boyle: Congratulations on passing your test! You have HIV.
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